Where to begin? Ah yes: Chuck Norris.

They say “the best place to start is at the beginning”. I disagree. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not above a good cliche. In fact, I will use them unapologetically throughout my writings. However, the beginning isn’t the right place to start when telling the story of Nonna. Let us start with Chuck Norris. You know it’s a good story when it begins with Chuck Norris….

When was the last time you sat down and watched Walker, Texas Ranger? If you were not aware, this masterpiece ended a decade ago, but can still be caught (marathon-style) on USA from time to time. This show is amazing – no one ever defeats Walker (our beloved Norris), even if they have a gun and he has a roundhouse kick to the jaw, and his mystical Native American heritage gives him super-human senses.

Several weeks back, I stopped into my Nonna’s house to partake in the nightly espresso. When I opened the sliding glass door, my grandfather was asleep in his recliner with a toothpick dangling from his lower lip, holding on for dear life as he snored softly. My Nonna was sitting at the kitchen table apparently talking to someone that I did not see. Not uncommon; her house has an open-door policy, and one often enters it to find others already there, taking in the hospitality and sipping on a beverage.

“Nonna, who are you talking to?” I asked.

She looked up at me like I was crazy, and replied, “No no, I no talking to nobody. I say to Walker, Texas Ranger that I love-a him.”

“Why do you love him?” I probed, mostly because I love Chuck Norris conversations with her.

“Io bescado! He is a GOOD!” she stated, matter-of-fact. **Now, it’s imperative that you understand what ‘Io bescado’ means. First, I have no idea how to spell it, and am still convinced it’s a word she’s made up. Second, she uses it 50 times a day. Third, it means (loosely) ‘What do you think, I’m stupid? Why are you asking and/or saying such a ridiculous thing?’

And as I turned to see what heroic acts Mr. Walker was engaged in to elicit such deep devotion from my Nonna….I saw him fighting a bear. With his fists. And you know what? He won. And you know how he won? With his Jedi mind tricks. You need to see it for yourself, don’t you? I understand, see you back here in 1 minute and 2 seconds:

Accepting that my Nonna’s adoration for Walker, Texas Ranger was absolutely warranted by his mad fighting skills, I sat down to await the espresso and whipped cream that I had come for. And as I sat down, I realized that Nonna was drinking her Dewar’s out of the Chuck Norris mug that I’d had made for her several Christmases ago.  That’s right folks: my Nonna is a Chuck Norris groupie.

She may not have a firm grasp on the English language, but she knows her Chuck Norris.

She’s never once used that coffee mug for coffee. Only Scotch.